Learning Outcome #4: Peer Review
In this peer edit, I assisted my classmate in refining his statements, emphasizing the need for more specificity in his thesis. For instance, I pointed out that his current thesis, “technology is a very powerful tool, which if used correctly can lead to large-scale change throughout the world,” could benefit from a more detailed focus on technology to strengthen his argument.
Furthermore, I advised him to introduce the articles in the introduction and cautioned against repetitive phrases. One notable strength I observed was his adept use of quotes, particularly the impactful quote in the first paragraph: “it takes a fractional shift in the direction of participation to create remarkable new educational resources.” This quote effectively supports his discussion on technological advances and their potential to broaden people’s knowledge.
However, I suggested improvements in seamlessly integrating these quotes into the surrounding sentences for better flow and coherence. For instance, instead of stating, “according to Clay Shirky, author of ‘Does The Internet Make You Smarter,’ has stated…,” I recommended integrating the quote more organically into the sentence and having the subsequent sentence elaborate on its significance.
To identify areas for improvement in his essay, I initially read through the entire piece before revisiting the introduction. I focused on evaluating the strength of the thesis statement and then moved on to the body paragraphs. In doing so, I highlighted the need for expanding on each body paragraph’s specific claim related to the thesis statement. Additionally, I scrutinized the use of quotes and their analysis within the body paragraphs. I emphasized the importance of using specific claims to strengthen arguments.
